Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
