I feel like abortions should bother me more
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
