This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
