Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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