Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
