I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
