in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
