my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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