I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
