i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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