A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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