I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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