True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
