Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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