I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
