Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
