True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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