He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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