Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
