Cold hands, warm shart.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
