so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
