But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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