Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
