I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
