i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
