Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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