i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
