Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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