it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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