I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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