I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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