I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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