Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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