You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
