shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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