Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
