when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can I color on your dick again?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
