i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
