sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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