Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
