would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
