normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
