im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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