The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
