normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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