Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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