70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
