loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
