so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
