He kissed a someone with a penis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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