Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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