I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
