So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
